An Outsider's Tale
by Shy Guy 32
Summary: Another one of those "zapped into the game" stories, but don't judge it based on that. It's not a typical one, taken from the perspective from someone who's never played a Mario game before. If that's possible nowadays. Violence will appear later. I swear


Hello again!

Sorry about the hiatus, school's incredibly annoying. And laziness. That's annoying too.

So, here's my one actual try at a semi-serious work. Hope you like, and please, if you don't, take it out on a stuffed animal or something.

Oh, and here's the disclaimer: I don't own Nintendo, or any of the other things mentioned. Stop asking.

* * *

Now, I was never much for video games. They always seem to detract from the real world by making fantasies look real, so you start expecting ridiculous things. If I had my choice, I never would have done this. But, I did, it's happened, and I'm going to have to live with it.

I guess it all started late one night, when I was doing some work. I'm a freelance lawyer, if you want to know the truth. I never got into the big leagues in that, like working for Microsoft or Trump or anything. No, I got into defending small businesses, namely in lawsuits pertaining to service or health. Not much, but it was a living.

But, I digress. This crazy stuff started around September, I guess. I lose track of time pretty easily. I was up late, working on a case for a plumbing company, some small family business. I forget the name. Apparently, there was a leak in a pipe, and the client had overreacted. I finished doing most of the work for the day, and decided to pack it in for the night. The case wasn't until the end of the week, so I was pretty much in the clear.

I was just about to hit the pillow when the phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Hey Rich, how are ya?"

"Hi, Dennis."

Dennis was my older brother, about 35 years old. He was an engineer, and a really nice guy. In case you didn't figure it out, my name's Rich.

"Didn't answer the question, how are you?" he said.

"Pretty good. Could have called at a better time, I was just about to go to bed."

"Sorry, just got in from Detroit. Business trip."

"Oh yeah, how was that?"

We kept on talking for a while, in a similar fashion. We've always gotten along well. Eventually we hung up, and I went to sleep.

The next day, I knew something was wrong. Well first, my alarm clock didn't wake me up. I have one of those loud ones that could probably wake up a dead person, yet breaks with a single hit. I assumed that I forgot to set it, and got up. That's when I realized the second problem—mainly, that I wasn't in my room. I was somewhere weird, looked kind of like a small cottage. Thoroughly weirded out, I decided to take a quick look around. Didn't seem too out of the ordinary, I mean, the furniture was regular and everything. The only thing that alarmed me was the lack of technology. The most high-tech thing there was a thermostat and a microwave, otherwise it seemed like a cabin you'd camp in if you wanted to escape for the weekend.

I checked to see if I looked okay, as if maybe I was in a dream or something. I looked okay, still in my casual clothing (I live in a small apartment, and sometimes I have to leave the room at night. I find it's more convenient to already be dressed). I checked my pocket. Money, cell phone, the usual. Unsurprisingly, I had no signal. I also checked for the last thing—my gun. Ever since my neighbor was mugged, I've made it a habit to carry along a gun, in case of the worst. Having seen that I'm okay, and probably awake, I left the room.

Then, I looked out the window. Oh boy, was I in for a shock. For one thing, there was a large green pipe sticking out of the ground. That was a serious safety hazard. I mean, what if someone tripped on that? They could get seriously injured. I also saw something that looked like the twisted love child of a mushroom and a person. Again, you have to realize that I don't play video games. If I did, I would have realized what the thing was and that either something very weird was going on, or I was high. I think it's called a toad or something. I don't know.

Anyway, I kind of blinked, rubbed my eyes, and looked again. Still there. Pinched myself. Still there. Dammit, that meant I wasn't dreaming. I decided not to go out and to stay in. Eventually, what was happening would stop happening, and I'd wake up in my room and finish that freaking case. To sort of speed up the process, I guess, I went into the bed I woke up in, wondering if either I was on drugs, insane, or both.

As I woke up, I decided that, if that odd mushroom thing was still there, that I would ask it where I was. It seemed like a good idea. If I'd heard of it, that's great. If not, then I'd have at least a name to worry about. I ventured to the window again, and saw that the oddity was still there, as, er… odd as before. Apparently he liked standing there, another thing I never understood about the whole video gaming world. If the person's going to say the same thing over and over again (which I understand, it'd be too tedious to program all those different dialogues), at least let the guy move around. But, I digress.

As I left the house, I definitely knew I was somewhere new. For example, extremely large mushrooms were growing. I mean large enough to stand on and support your weight. Even the house I was in was shaped somewhat like a mushroom. Which I can understand, if all the region's inhabitants look like the mushroom-person thing, who I'm getting to, I swear. So, I walked up to him, nonchalant as I can be, and said a simple, "Hello."

He looked at me, and asked, "Oh, hello. I'm sorry, have I ever met you?"

"No, I'm new here. And, if I might ask, where exactly _is_ here?"

As a lawyer, I am used to public speaking, especially with those I have never met.

"Oh, wow. We're in the Mushroom Kingdom, in the Green Land. My name's Russell T. What's yours?" the person inquired.

"I'm sorry, it's Rich. It's a pleasure meeting you."

"The house you just left is my friend's, he's on vacation, so I'm watching it for him. How'd you get in there, anyway?"

"That's just the thing; I don't know. I went to bed at my home in Brooklyn, and I woke up here." I explained.

"Now why does that sound familiar… oh! Of course! Mario, he's famous for goodness sake! He had exactly the same experience, apparently. Maybe he'll know what to do. I had to head into town anyway, so I'll accompany you," stated Russell.

Russell pointed in the direction of what appeared to be a large city. I could see a large castle, so the town was probably the area's capital. Either that, or it was a local landmark. It seemed to be a few miles away, a three-hour hike max. We set off, feeling secure in our new friendship.

* * *

So, how'd you like? If you don't like it, I'm going to insert violence later, I swear. And if you're not into that, well... tough. Oh, and please reply.

Please.


End file.
